Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
