i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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