You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
