he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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