When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
