Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
