if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
