i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
