Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
