He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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