Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
