Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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