We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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