I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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