I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Text me some of your sweat
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
