I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
