Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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