I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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