I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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