I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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