So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
