I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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