community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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