Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
