she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
