ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
