i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
