forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
