If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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