...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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