nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
