I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
