3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
