three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
