She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
