Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
