The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
