Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
