also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
