obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
