When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
