We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
