Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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