Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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