Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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