sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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