My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
