Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
