I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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