she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
