i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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