I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
