That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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