she was so not down for the gang bang
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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