I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
