I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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