Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize