nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
