there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
