At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
