I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
