It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
