sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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