i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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