I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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