is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I want is dick and wine.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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