I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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