I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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