we have pet lesbian snakes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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