He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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